“Dear Stress, Let’s Break Up”

Tips to Manage Stress During the Divorce Process

For most people, stress is a part of everyday life. And while we might want to “break up” with stress, going through a breakup of a marriage or current family dynamic probably means that your relationship with stress isn’t going anywhere.

As members of Virginia Collaborative Professionals of Northern Virginia, Elizabeth and I were able to be at the 15^th annual VACP conference, focused on using the Collaborative Divorce Process to manage some of the biggest challenges we see our clients face. We were able to discuss high-conflict relationships, cognitive bias, mental health disorders, and substance use.

One of the takeaways? “Stress exacerbates functional impairment.” Meaning that the more stressed we are, the less we are able to handle our day-to-day responsibilities.

Is the collaborative divorce process less stressful?

If we were to ask people to use one word to describe their perception of the traditional divorce process, “stressful” would probably be high on the list. And while we can’t promise that opting for the collaborative divorce process will be completely worry-free, here are some of the ways that working with a collaborative divorce team can address some of the stressors you are most affected by.

Set clear boundaries and expectations from the start

One of the biggest worries clients have when starting the divorce process is that they don’t know what to expect. What is the other party going to say? What are their priorities? What do they think mine are? Do they know something they aren’t telling me? A collaborative divorce always begins with a clear outline of what the process will look like, how each person is expected to interact through the process, and sets boundaries for everyone to follow.

Redirect away from the past and orient towards future goals

Divorce is always going to bring up memories of the past. As you end this chapter of your life, it is normal to want to look back. But the collaborative divorce process prioritizes your future and what happiness and success moving forward looks like. We will help both parties set goals for their future and use those goals as a starting point for each step.  Often, we refer back to them as we make our way through the process, particularly if we hit a snag or tensions build while we discuss difficult topics.

Address everyone’s fears

Even high-conflict partners are afraid of something, and likely you are too. It might be fear of abandonment, fear of being ignored, fear of inferiority, or of being taken advantage of. But either way, Collaborative Divorce prioritizes the mental health of all parties throughout the process, helping you acknowledge your fears and find ways to conquer them.

Create and reinforce long-lasting constructive communication and behaviors

Especially for couples who will continue co-parenting, finding ways to communicate and work together is key. As we work towards your future goals in the Collaborative Divorce Process, we are going to be creating positive communication patterns and problem-solving skills that will allow your family to stay intact on the other side.

De-escalate the emotional situation

For better or worse, divorce is a big change that is bound to bring out emotional highs and lows. Your collaborative divorce team will help you process these emotions as you go, and make sure that everyone is taking a breather when it’s needed.

 

A blog written by Carrie Patterson, Esq. for the Virginia Collaborative Professionals Website